A Couple of Weeks of Big Highs and Lows

My heart feels like it was struck by a Silver Bullet.

The last couple of weeks, my emotions resemble something akin to a roller coaster.  I’ve had some really big ups and some really big downs.  I am not a dramatic person (despite my chosen profession of writing and filmmaking) and extremes aren’t usually welcome around me.

One of my fears is that because I’m an emotional eater, a flaw that I’m very aware of and yet have a really really hard time beating into a bloody pulp, I fear that when these downs come around that I’m going to stuff my face and gain tons of weight back again.  Fortunately, I’ve kept it together pretty well.  I’ve actually continued on with my walking training, continued on with keeping track of the food that goes in my mouth and continued to lose weight.   *whew!*

To see what I’ve been up against, let me give you some examples:

HIGH-I managed to walk 32.25 miles in a one week period, walking four of those days.  Two of those days were over 9 miles.  This is pretty cool to me, because I wanted to see if I could do that kind of mileage.  I didn’t know if I could yet.

LOW-It turns out that yes, I could do it, but I over did it with the last day.  The last day was only 5.5 miles, but all of that mileage added up and now my hip is screaming at me.  I haven’t walked much the last couple of days because of it.  My hip hurts even when I’m not doing anything.  I think it’s ibuprofen time.

HIGH-I’ve been losing more weight and inches and I’m feeling great about that!  I’ve lost 32 lbs since the beginning of October and 38.4 pounds overall.  YES!!

LOW-My Kickstarter campaign didn’t get funded.  I was kind of freaking out over that at first, but the nice long training walks helped me calm down about that.  I’m not sure what all I’m going to do to fund my documentary, but I’ll figure something out.  I hope.

HIGH-Job Corps finally set a date for my oldest kiddo to join their ranks of students.  David is only a few months shy of being 19 years old, and I wonder where the hell time went.  Where the heck was I?  Anyway, I am very excited that he got into the program, because it can help him get the training he needs to get a decent paying job.  It gets him out of the house and teaches him to be more self-sufficient.  It is an incredible opportunity.  So I am very happy for him.  I had fun planning his going-away party and cooking for it and all that fun stuff.

LOW-The day he is slated to leave (which was earlier today), my heart decides to cave in.  Up until today, I was happy for David and happy he was leaving to start his new life.  Then today, BAM!  I suddenly get all maudlin and my heart just aches and aches.  I think it finally hit me that he was leaving the house for good.  Waaaaah!  The moment he got into the Job Corps van at the Greyhound Station I got all teary-eyed and kinda sobby.

HIGH-I was nominated for the 7X7 Link Award a couple of days ago, which is the neatest thing to me, since it means people are actually reading my blog and enjoying it enough to try to finagle more information out of me.  So I spent much of yesterday working on my post about it.

LOW-Yesterday my husband went into the hospital.  The whole time I was writing about the blog award, I was trying to write fun happy stuff so that I wouldn’t be freaking out about the fact my husband busted his face.

Apparently he fell face first into concrete as he was walking to catch the bus for his dialysis appointment.  One tooth was knocked out on the scene.  Two more are so badly knocked and possibly cracked they will likely need to be removed.  Another is broken completely in half.  His gums are a bloody clotty mess and his face is swollen.  Who knows if they will be able to save that broken tooth.  And it is doubtful his disability will cover fixing any of the teeth anyway.  But they will probably cover dentures!  Yee-haw!  43 years old and wearing dentures.

HIGH-Now that he’s had the CT scan, the x-rays, the EKG’s and such, I’m no longer freaked out by potential brain damage , heart attacks, broken wired shut jaws or broken necks and I know that nothing is broken except the teeth, I can make redneck jokes.   He is still in the hospital, actually, since he missed his dialysis appointment, the hospital is keeping him and doing it themselves.  And when the hospital does it, the orders from doctor to nurse to tech to who-knows-who go at about a snail’s pace.  I estimate he’ll be out in time for Halloween.  Which means I get to spend quality time with my scared spit-less little girl, who took one look at her daddy’s bloody face and started bawling.

Wait, come to think of it, I think the last half of that one is a low, too.  My poor Willow.  She’s ten and she’s a trooper about most things, having lived through her daddy getting his leg amputated, starting dialysis, and whatnot, but this  scared the bejebus out of her.  I think it is because we got to the hospital right after he did (he was transported by ambulance and I only found out because he was wearing a medical alert bracelet and the fire department called me) and so he was still moaning from being in pain, with the neck brace on, on the back board (they weren’t sure if he had hurt his neck or not), his shirt was cut open, his face was a swollen mess, and he was covered with blood.  No wonder she was scared.

The wooden roller coaster "Colossus".

Anyway, you can see what kind of emotional ride I’ve been dealing with!  Do you think it is the kind where you get the bars clamped over your shoulders and your legs dangle and you whip around the turns and loop-de-loops and experience several G’s of gravity (like the Silver Bullet ride pictured up above)?  Or do you think it’s the more wooden roller coaster style with the rickety sound where you’re supposed to stick your hands in the air and scream whenever you go upside down when you do the loop and when you are plunging to your imminent doom down those steep tracks?  I’m not sure.  Either way, I’d like to get off the ride now, please.  I don’t want to vomit in some poor schmuck’s face.

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